so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
