My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
