Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
