The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
