i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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