For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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