Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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