One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
birth control should be required to get into college
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
