The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
