i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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