i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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