No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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