I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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