I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
