the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
