either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
