We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
