She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
