I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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