My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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