UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
