So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
