It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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