I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You pole danced in your parka.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
