Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
