Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
