Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
