better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
