sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
