There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just pynch a tree in the face
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
