yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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