Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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