People in love make me want to vomit
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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