i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
