Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
