If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You took a bar mat shot.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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