Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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