And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
