I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
