Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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