All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
