Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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