woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I die, sorry about rent.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
