I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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