you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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