addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Panties = found
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
