That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
