In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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