He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
