I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
