I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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