i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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