You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize