well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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