It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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