If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
