sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
