3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How external is "for external use only"?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
