Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
