How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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