I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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