We're facebook friends in real life
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
