We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
