Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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