And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
