Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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