god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
