forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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