Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pooping to opera.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
