Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
