Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Im part way to drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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