for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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