Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
