Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
