why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
