I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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