im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
