so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
