can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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