I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
