She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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