I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
