why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
