I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
